Creativity

“Do not doubt that you are born to create. Do not believe for a minute that the realm of art belongs only to others. Do not believe what you have been told or think you heard: that you are incapable, unimaginative, not artistic…. If you have believed these things and woven your garment from doubt and fear, disrobe and look within. Find what brings you joy and go there. That is your place to create, to move with the spirit, for the Muse lingers near the home of your joy.

Creativity is of the inner realm. Each of us becomes our own expert….In our creating, we ourselves are created, added to, enlightened. What matters is the movement, the union with spirit, that subtle drive that wakes us from our sleep, takes us from our dreams, and invites us to become the dream expressed.”
--Jan Phillips, Marry Your Muse

Self-doubt

“When I dare to be powerful—to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” --Audre Lorde
Aster
Isn’t that a wonderful description of power—the strength to serve your own vision? It’s not about being powerful in relation to the world, it’s being powerful in relation to yourself--the courage to be who you are, to live your own dreams and follow your own heart. And yes, to write that novel, to paint that image, to dance that dance or walk that trail, to put your heart out there.

Self-doubt is one of the most powerful fears we face. In fact it is fast becoming one of my favorite emotions. It tells me that I’m on the edge of what I know. I’m on the edge of my comfort. That if I go any further, I might be on shaky ground. And that may be exactly the ground I need to be on to get closer to my truth. Self-doubt brings us to a decision point and no matter what we chose next, we will be gaining ground.

Transformation

We live in two worlds, our inner world and the world outside of us. One of our greatest challenges in life is bringing these two worlds together.
For some reason that thought brought to mind caterpillars and butterflies, maybe because their life cycle is so full of transformations. This photo is of an Eastern ten caterpillar. I had no idea how striking this caterpillar was until I looked more closely through the lens. These are the guys that hatch in the spring and weave those silky bag tents in the crotch of tree limbs. Stephen Lyn Bales, naturalist and author, refers to the tent caterpillar as “bird fodder”.

Our transformations are barely noticeable at first but not necessarily less dramatic. At some point, when all the tiny changes link together, we begin to shout change--changes in choices like friends and clothes, changes in laughter and attitude, changes in what we like to do, the way we walk and even where we like to walk.
Bringing our two worlds together frees up creative energy and when that happens, anything can happen.

The Blank Page

“It is in facing the unknown that we find out what we know.” Morning pages, 6-3-08
Wild Hyacinth

We are all afraid of the unknown. This is a natural survival fear. It is also a life challenge. Everyday holds small unknowns but with these we have some level of control and choice. It’s when the bottom falls out and we are on wholly unknown ground that we must take a leap.

There is unknown wisdom in each of us, unknown knowledge and unknown talents. But since unknowns make us doubt and shrink back, the Universe sometimes gives us a push forward, a reason to take that leap.

When I was finishing the novel, even after writing the final scene, I realized there was one more story thread that needed a bow. I sat down with my pen and blank paper with no idea what would come next. I had one little thought--maybe they could have pizza together.

And so I sat with my blank page and my pen and that pizza and I wrote words on the paper, starting and stopping and starting again, until finally the lines began to flow, the characters moved and the scene happened. And when I was finished, I read what I had written and was amazed. The loose threads had tied themselves together without my knowing it. This is the fun of creative work. This is the unconscious helping, a wholly magical, hard working and benevolent part of our beings.

And this is how it happens, how you write a book, paint an image, live your life. You show up, you take what you know and you go. It isn’t easy and it isn’t smooth. But in the process you discover who you are and what you’re made of and what comes next.

Living Your Truth

Wild geranium

Damage is a universal experience. It happens to all of us during the course of our lives. No one escapes. Most often this damage settles in our self-esteem and gives us an inaccurate picture of who we are and what we are about. You may recognize this as the negative commentary you hear in your mind. It chatters about short-comings, failures and fears. And like a young child misbehaving, it needs love and correction.

There is another voice inside you that is full of positives and light. It is a softer voice, one you must listen to quietly, that gets stronger each time you pay attention. This voice views mistakes kindly, as the learning experiences they are, and tucks them away for future reference. It recognizes talents and abilities, regardless of their outcomes. And it values intentions and efforts.

This is your inner voice, the voice of your inner truth. Listen for what it has to say.

The Skunk and the Apple Tree

We don’t approach a skunk with anger. We don’t ask a skunk to change. We don’t become angry with a skunk for being a skunk. And we don’t ask him why he is a skunk. And yet, in our daily lives, these are the attitudes we so often use.

I once came upon a skunk under my apple tree as I walked. He was feeding on the apples that had fallen to the ground. By the time I noticed, I was very near him. He neither raised his head nor stopped his busy activity to pay me any mind. I smiled because I found him curious and I continued on my way, content to have him there.

There are as many stories as there are people. As many reactions to a situation as there are minutes in our lives. We have within us the ability to make choices, to respond to a situation in a way that brings us peace and nourishes our inner world. This also nourishes the world around us.

If you began your story with-- “I came upon a skunk under my apple tree…”-- how would your story go?

Child-Mind and the Pond

“Child-mind doesn’t question itself, stop to adjust clothes, worry about rules or approval. Child-mind dives in, breathes in the mystery, tastes all of it, the wonder and the intrigue. Child-mind moves without moving. It swims with the pollywog, rides the dasher’s wings, freezes invisible with the frog. Child-mind becomes everything that is.”
--morning pages, 5-10-08, Vickie HendersonWhen I first came to the pond, I couldn’t find the frogs. I asked someone, a wise someone, “are there any frogs in your pond?” He answered, ”yes, there’s lots of them. But they’re hard to see. Just be still in one spot and pretty soon you’ll see them.” And I did. Their camouflage is so flawless they are invisible and they're expert at using it--at being still. It was like looking at a hologram and seeing something wholly different emerge. And this was the day I also met the blue dasher. And through my camera lens I began to notice the different ways he holds his wings.It was by accident that I discovered the one female I saw. I wandered to another area of the pond to see what was happening over there and to find some shade. “Ah! What is this? Two salamanders mating underwater. How intimate. And whose this? A beautiful red dragon fly. What is she doing? Wow--laying her eggs.” I watched her, she was never still. She hovered close to the water's surface, touching it with the tip of her abdomen, depositing her eggs. Dipping up and down, touching the water, making the water ripple in rings. And sometimes when she hovered above the water, I could see the tiny eggs still falling.
Female blue dasher
In this photo you can actually see eggs falling, just above and below the saw-tooth edge of the leaf.

By chance I also saw her mate. He was perched on a long blade of grass, watching, standing guard. That a dragonfly has this kind of connection with his mate, with procreation, amazed me. How incredible, all of it. That these tiny creatures are busy in their pond community, creating life, living the delicate balance. That I could share this intimate moment and join them. That our lives could go by in their busy way and we could miss all of it.

The Blue Dasher and Child-Mind

A child’s mind is curious, imaginative, eager. A child’s mind is designed to play. Even though we may not feel it most of the time, we still have our child-mind. It is always with us. It is of the heart and sensitive. And so it will hide if it’s afraid or fatigued or overburdened. But it is also tough and resilient. It will never go away. It wants to come out and play. How do you find your child-mind if you feel like you’ve lost it? You idle. The favorite companion of child-mind is idleness. In the absence of busy-ness and worry, child mind emerges. It can’t help it. It can’t be still.



I went to a pond and met a blue dasher and he showed me.










I followed the whispery song of an American Redstart flitting around and upside down. He showed me.

Two skinks suddenly ran out of the grass. The little one disappeared in a flash. But the big one in pursuit stopped, raised her nose high in the air and she told me.

And the child-mind giggled.

*American Redstart is a woodland warbler. I've been listening to his song outside my window all week. And when I finally found him. Guess what? He wouldn't be still! Cornell says he flitters about and flashes his tail and wings to attract insects. I think he's just full of 'child-mind'.

*The Blue Dasher is a dragonfly in the skimmer family that inhabits ponds and still wetlands. The female of the species is red! More about the blue dasher next post.

Out Loud

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”--Emile ZolaAzalea

We are all artists. We come into this world to create. To create our lives, to crack our doubts wide open, to live our stories. There are no mistakes. There is no time wasted. There are no failures. There is only our becoming and our dreams and our stories. So take a deep breath. Lift your voice high and live out loud.

Self-image

“Being preoccupied with our self-image is like being deaf and blind. It’s like standing in the middle of a vast field of wildflowers with a black hood over our heads. It’s like coming upon a tree of singing birds while wearing earplugs.” –Pema Chodron Trillium

We spend a lot of time concerning ourselves with how others see us, concerned about whether we measure up or fall short in the world around us. The more we do this, the less we truly know who we are. So come out into this world and live your life. Move through each day with your senses alert, your observing eyes and ears open. Interact with all of your being. And above all, feel. Your feelings are your guidance from within--your feelings are the only measure you will ever need.

Forget-me-nots

Silently one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven,
Blossom the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.--Henry Wadsworth LongfellowA woman said to me, “I need to get away, go somewhere and figure out who I am.” And I thought, that could be a nice break, but what I hear in those words is ‘more of the same’. We do not discover who we are by thinking or even going someplace new to think. We take whoever we are with us and repeat what we know in our minds.

If you want your life to change, if you want to experience something different, you must do something different. Action invites discovery. It is in doing a new thing, in trying a different way that we discover who we are, where we are stuck, our attitudes, our true values--and only then, if we act with awareness. Everyday is full of new discoveries--we only need to pay attention.

Kindness

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it’s never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness.”—Pema ChodronAmazingly, this is one of the hardest things to teach and to learn—kindness to ourselves. Kindness is not the same as self-indulgence or determination. It is the act of treating ourselves in kind ways, with kind thoughts and kind words no matter what mistakes we make or what fears we face. It is not self-improvement or self-image. It is relationship. It is the ability to value intent and to regard with understanding. And it’s the ability to try again when something is important and approach it with encouragement.

Harshness cultivates harshness. Kindness cultivates kindness. Be kind in all your relationships. Be kind to the chair, to the car, to the lamp, to the door knob. Be kind to the earth, the wind, the butterfly, the sky. Cultivate kindness in all that you do—and kindness will become you.

Tiger Swallowtail--I loved the way she dove into that blossom.

Witch Hobble and Practice

“Don’t be afraid to answer the questions. You will find endless resources inside yourself....Even if you are not sure of something, express it as though you know yourself. With this practice you eventually will.”
--Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones Witch Hobble is a common name for this variety of viburnum, a native shrub that grows mostly in the northeast but extends as far south as east Tennessee. Each intriguing blossom is like a factory producing a whole village of tiny flowerettes, all of which, are encircled by graceful, snowy white petals. Witch Hobble? Don't you just wonder about the story behind this name?

Fear--the Great Teacher

“Fear is a universal experience. Even the smallest insect feels it. We wade in the tidal pools and put our finger near the soft, open bodies of sea anemones and they close up. Everything spontaneously does that. It’s not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share....

So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear.”
--Pema Chodron

Lean In

Dogwood blossoms “Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

--Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

Become Your Best Friend

Laughing Gulls

So how do best friends treat each other? With value and respect. By honoring the person who is their friend-- their talents, their triumphs. By standing by through the faltering, the disappointments and the pain. Best friends can be counted on to be kind with their truths, to be genuine and patient. Friendships evolve and change. Only one person will be there for your lifetime--

Morning Pages

“Morning pages are non-negotiable. Never skip or skimp…. Morning pages will teach you your mood doesn’t really matter….[they] will teach you to stop judging and just let yourself write. So what if you’re tired, crabby, distracted, stressed?” --Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way.

I’ve been writing morning pages for ten years. You don’t have to be a writer. It’s a tool for everyone.

“Three pages of whatever crosses your mind—that’s all there is to it. If you can’t think of anything to write, then write, “I can’t think of anything to write….”

Your morning pages will stand by you through thick and thin, through joy and sorrow. They will clean out the clutter and stop the foolishness. They center your integrity and solidify what’s important. They become your best friend. And then you become your best friend.

One Decision at a Time

One decision at a time, a painting is formed.
One decision at a time, a life is lived.
The name of this painting is “Pink”. It began as a wash of pigment brushed on wet paper with nothing in particular in mind, except to see what a bit of rock salt sprinkled here and there would create. The next step was to define something, a shape, a form, a suggestion. The first time I tried this, I struggled. My mind was blank. I saw nothing. Nothing came to me, except frustration and the feeling, maybe I can’t do this. Maybe I hate this.
I revisit that place from time to time, where desire and doubt butt heads. Desire wins out with a little perseverance. And the next thing I know something magical has happened and I created it—me and the water and the pigment and the Universe--one decision at a time.

Your Best Friend

Of writing, Natalie Goldberg says, “…it is your friend. It will never desert you, though you may desert it many times. The writing process is a constant source of life and vitality…. it offers me a chance to touch my life which always softens me and allows me to feel connected with myself again.”

I sometimes suggest writing as a way of sorting things out, gaining insights and restoring calm. Recently, a young woman brought me a page she had written. She had written it in a moment of feeling overwhelmed. She handed the page to me with embarrassment, saying, “this isn’t my best work,” and yet, I think it may have been just that, her best work. It was spontaneous, pure, open. In less than a page of words, she had expressed her fears, corrected the false assumptions that fueled them and restored calm. And that is beautiful. That is your best friend speaking to you from within.

Confidence

“Listening to the siren song of more, we are deaf to the still small voice waiting in our soul to whisper, “You’re enough.” -- Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way